Afraid....

I’ve been afraid…..afraid of coming back to this blog and reading my previous posts. I’ve been afraid of looking at my failures so to speak. I’ve been afraid….of writing perhaps not so encouraging stuff. I’ve been afraid….of what I am and what I am not.

Afraid no longer…..it’s always a matter of time before you come to the end of yourself and surrender, or re-surrender, and re-surrender, and re-surrender to God. I find myself here tonight. So here I am….back…called to get these (jumbled) thoughts out.


I need to be reminded of the lessons God has taught me, the ones that are evidenced here and lately, I just don’t want to be reminded. It’s as if my own self-doubt, my own critique of myself is enough. Those are just lies though, not God spoken truth.

I’m a little frustrated with myself that I haven’t yet overcome my struggle which is dying to myself. Letting God be enough, enough to overcome worldly desires. To say God is enough, to live out what I believe.  Then it hits me….who I am? Who am I that I think that I can overcome a struggle? It will never be me and it will always be Him. My part in this is letting God take over, giving Him everything I have and trusting Him with it. I can't say I know exactly what that means in it's entirety, but I know I can look to Him at anytime instead of trying to control or fix my situation or circumstance.

"O Lord, I give my life to you.

I trust in you, my God!

Do not let me disgraced,

Or let my enemies rejoice in my defeat.

No one who trusts in you will ever be disgraced....

Show me the right path, O Lord;

Point out the road for me to follow.

Lead me by your truth and teach me,

For you are the God who saves me.

All day long I put my hope in you.

Remember, O Lord, your compassion and unfailing love,

Which you have shown from long ages past.

Do not remember the rebellious sins of my youth.

Remember me in the light of your unfailing love,

For you are merciful, O Lord."

Psalm 25:1-7