Insecurity...

When thinking of my passion, I often find myself a little insecure to talk about it. What if I don't say the right thing, what if I sound crazy, what if I sound righteous, what if I offend someone, what if, what if, what if...

I think that's why I like keeping this blog to write about my relationship with God. My passion is God. I may not always say or do the right things, but my passion is my passion. I never really shared my blog with lots of people. A part of me just wanted random people to stumble upon it. After I found out I was pregnant, I decided that I would share my blog on Facebook as a way to share the news, but more importantly to share some of my posts and maybe encourage a person to start seeking God for someone who doesn't really know Him.

A friend of mine asked me the next day after I shared my blog on FB, why I posted my diary for everyone to see. The question was in passing and I didn't say what was truly in my heart. I shared it so that maybe one single person could begin seeking God and find Him too. I don't know if that will happen, but that is my hope.

Another friend just earlier this week asked me what my passion was (we were talking about jobs), instantly, I said "not tax" (my job, by the way I like it but could definitely live without it). What I really wanted to say was possibly being a missionary, doing some type of mission work. I'm not good at talking about my passion...this is my insecurity.

Here is what I will meditate on and maybe one day I won't feel so insecure.

"...don’t worry about how to respond or what to say. God will give you the right words at the right time." Matthew 10:19

May 17, 2011

Earlier this week, May 17th, Sam and I heard our baby's heart beat :) It was pretty amazing. And it's a pretty amazing feeling that a little person is actually growing inside me. How can people have babies and not believe in God? Who else could design us and design women to carry little babies within their bodies? It seems to me that there can be no other explanation besides God. What other explanation would it be that could cause our human bodies to create and carry life? There is none besides our great God.

"You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed." Psalm 139:13-16

Imagine...

if we lived our lives like the apostle Paul.

"For I fully expect and hope that I will never be ashamed, but I will continue to be bold for Christ, as I have been in the past."

"Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ and become one with him."

"I want to know Christ and experience the mighty power that raised him from the dead. I want to suffer with him, sharing in his death, so that one way or another I will experience the resurrection from the dead!"

"...I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us."

"...for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength."