Too many excuses....

It's been a couple of months since my last post. And even then, the posts were just lyrics....lyrics that I used as prayers. My mind, for the last couple of months, has been preoccupied to say the least. Preoccupied....thankfully, with nothing major, except life. Well, I think I'll take the "major" back, still getting in the groove of things with Alise. She is now seven, almost 8 months old. But along with this new life change, I've been busy with work - typical...typical excuses (work, family life, health, tv, the worldly distractions). Excuses for me - for not spending enough one on one time with God.

I can clearly remember when I was truly on fire for God...I was excited about learning about God, knowing about God, being with Him. I couldn't wait to read his Word, and I would - morning and night. Now, quite honestly, it's a bit different for me - it's a struggle. When I do read the Bible, sometimes I feel like I do it mostly out of obligation. Shouldn't I "want" to do this without feeling like I have to?

I used to love writing about my journey with God, maybe not as much on this blog as my Lessons in 2010 blog. I saw things so differently, then - I saw God's beauty and power in lots of instances. Now, it's as if my eyes are not as open as they once were.

My prayer is that God will open my eyes as they once were and even more so, not only my eyes but heart to him and all those around me.

..."Think back on those early days when you first learned about Christ....So do not throw away this confident trust in the Lord. Remember the great reward it brings you! Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God's will. Then you will receive all that He has promised." Hebrews: 10:32-36

Set a Fire

Set a fire down in my soul, that I can't contain, that I can't control. I want more of you, God. I want more of You.

Boasting...

If this life has anything to gain at all
I count it lost if I can’t hear You, feel You, ’cause I need You
Can’t walk this earth alone
I recognize I am not my own, so before I fall
I need to hear You, feel You, as I live to make my boast in You alone

With every breath I take, with every heart beat,
Sunrise and the moon lights in the dark street
Every glance, every dance, every note of a song
It’s all a gift undeserved that I shouldn’t have known
Every day that I lie, every moment I covet
I’m deserving to die, I’m just earning your judgment
I, without the cross there’s only condemnation
If Jesus wasn’t executed there’s no celebration
So in times that are good, in times that are bad
For any times that I’ve had it all, I will be glad
and I will boast in the cross, I boast in my pains,
I will boast in the Sonshine, boast in His reign
What’s my life if it’s not praising You,
Another dollar in my bank account of vain pursuit. I do,
That count my life as any value or presence at all
Let me finish my race, let me answer my call

Tomorrow’s never promised, but it is we swear
Think we holding our own, just a fist full of air
God has never been obligated to give us life
If we fought for our rights, we be in hell tonight
Mere sinners own nothing but a fierce hand
We never loved him we pushed away his pierced hands
I rejected his love, grace, kindness, and mercy
Dying of thirst, yet, willing to die thirsty
Eternally worthy, how could I live for less
Patiently You turn my heart away from selfishness
I volunteer for your sanctifying surgery
I know the Spirit's purging me of everything that’s hurting me
Remove the veil from my darkened eyes
So now every morning I open your Word and see the Son rise
I hope in nothin, boast in nothin, only in your suffering
I live to show your glory, dying to tell your story

Glory was solely meant for You
Doing what no one else could do
With All I have to give,
I’ll use my life, I’ll use my lips
I’ll only glory in your Word, what gift to me I don’t deserve
I’ll live in such a way that it reflects to You, my Praise

Boasting - Lecrae

"Therefore, as it is written: Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.” 1 Corinthians 1:31

Holy Spirit...

There is nothing worth more
That will ever come close
No thing can compare
You're our Living Hope
Your Presence

I've tasted and seen
Of the sweetest of loves
Where my heart becomes free
And my shame is undone

Your presence Lord

Holy Spirit You are welcome here
Come flood this place and fill the atmosphere
Your glory God is what our hearts long for
To be overcome by Your presence Lord

Your presence Lord

There is nothing worth more
That will ever come close
No thing can compare
You are our Living Hope

Your presence Lord

I've tasted and seen
Of the sweetest of loves
Where my heart becomes free
And my shame is undone

Holy Spirit You are welcome here
Come flood this place and fill the atmosphere
Your glory God is what our hearts long for
To be overcome by Your presence Lord

Let us become more aware of Your presence
Let us experience the glory of Your goodness

-Holy Spirit by Bryan and Katie Torwalt

The Beauty of God....

It's interesting to me that for some reason some of us go to church to feel good about ourselves. I distinctly remember that when I lived back home in the Valley, every Sunday that I made it to church - I felt very proud. I'd call my best friends and brag, "I went to church today." It was like I felt obligated to go to church to show my love for God. On Sundays for one hour...and I'd leave feeling good about myself and the message I'd hear. I had fulfilled my duty to God; I never practiced what I learned. I lived the rest of the week my own way. What a sad way to live...I realized this years later.

The thing is that going to church does not make you close(r) to God. I sort of think going to church does not make God happy if you feel obligated to go. Now I go to church to worship God, not to get some high for one day. I go, sometimes I feel like going, and sometimes I don't, but nonetheless I go to worship Him.

But the beauty of God is that He designed us to do so much more in addition to going to church to worship Him. Simply by talking to Him, spending time with Him...obeying Him throughout the week, throughout the month, throughout the years of our lives. This is the beauty of God - I believe that worshipping Him at all times other than when you are just in church means so much more.

"May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer." Psalm 19:14

"God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in the Spirit and in truth.” John 4:24

A New Perspective...

Two years ago today my nephew Zavier unexpectedly passed away. He was a very healthy, happy, three month old baby. Our world was shaken - an understatement. Our family had never experienced a loss so great. Our hearts were broken and still are. Many times we wonder what Zavier would be like today. That's all we can do...wonder...

I know what it feels like to lose a nephew. I know what it feels like to have your sister lose her only son. And it is a gut wrenching feeling. To see your sister's heart break, sometimes daily...feeling so helpless. I've looked to God for healing and comfort. Slowly, I became at peace with knowing that Zavier is in heaven. Knowing that he most definitely has it better than us down here. Knowing that he is living with our King. Admittedly and selfishly, I've wanted and prayed that my sister be at peace...

But now, a parent myself, I have a new perspective. I have a completely new sense of admiration for Erica. Just thinking about the possibility of losing Alise does not even scratch the surface of what my sister has to be feeling, of this I am sure. I now understand that there is a possibility her broken heart may not ever be healed from losing Zavier. The brokenness may get smaller and smaller as God works in her life, but may always be there.

Throughout the last two years, I have seen my sister grieve. I have seen her grow. I have seen her move forward when I know all she wanted was to go back. But mostly, I have seen her persevere.

Yes, my sister is an incredible woman and continues to inspire me; now more than ever.